Ohio Domestic Violence Network- www.odvn.org.

The National Center on Domestic and Sexual Violence- www.odvn.org

The Carroll County Victim Assistance Program- Justice@bright.com

There were, and still are, so many children abused and involved in the domestic violence cycle. They were, and still are, caught up in the mainframe and seldom had a say or a voice. But not today. That has changed. Children can be heard and there is a help for them too, if the parents are willing to choose to get them into the many programs and/or counselors today. Many of the programs are free for children of domestic violence and abuse. Check with your local Victim Assistance office for more information.

Child abuse and neglect often take place in the home and come from a person the child knows well - a parent, relative, babysitter, or friend of the family. There are four major types of child maltreatment. The first step in helping or getting help for an abused or neglected child/teen is to identify the signs and symptoms of abuse.

Abuse of Children - The Violence against them: Choking, twisting arms, pushing, kicking, hitting, punching, committing incest, sexual touching/kissing, sexualizing children’s behaviors.

Intimidation: Instilling fear through looks, actions, gestures, property destruction, using adult size, yelling, being violent to other parent, pets, and/or the child’s friends.

Using Institutions: Threatening punishment with/by God, courts, police, school, juvenile detention, foster homes, relatives, and/or psych wards.

Isolation: Controlling access to peers/adults, siblings, other parent, and/or grandparents.

Emotional abuse: Put downs, name calling, using children as confidants, using children to get or give information to other parent, being inconsistent, and/or shaming children.

Economic abuse: Withholding basic needs, using money to control behavior, squandering family money, withholding child support, using children as an economic bargaining chip in divorce.

Threats: Threatening abandonment, suicide, physical harm, confinement, or harm to other loved ones.

Using Adult Privilege: Treating children as servants, punishing, bossing, always winning, denying input in visitation and custody decisions, interrupting.

Second-Hand Abuse: Children of violence do not learn boundaries. Abused children learn extreme behavior. Battering causes damage and distress to the fetus. Battering adversely affects infants and toddlers. Older children see and hear violence. Violence creates constant anxiety. A violent home means feeling powerless. Battering creates low self-esteem. Family violence results in behavioral problems. Battering means emotional abandonment. Battered children take on adult roles prematurely. A battering home means living in constant fear. Battering creates isolation. Violence results in depression, flash-backs, and stress. Children of abuse learn how to abuse others. It is a learned behavior. It can be unlearned. Seek professional help to stop the abuse from continuing.

* Children in the home and/or present during a domestic dispute:101

* Children injured during a domestic dispute: 14

* Children in the home and/or present during a domestic dispute - 79

* Children injured during a domestic dispute: - 15

Many tweens, (children between the ages of 11 and 14) and teens feel enormous pressure to find their place in society. Many tweens and teens are victims of not only abuse and neglect but also dating violence. (See: Dating Violence below)

* 40% of girls, ages 14-17 years old, are hit by their boyfriends.

* 8% of High School teenagers are forced to have sex.

(These statistic could also be much higher because a lot of the girls do not tell anyone, especially a parent or guardian, or the proper officials.)

A high percent of boys who witness domestic violence and abuse become abusers themselves. Domestic violence and abuse is not a genetic/inherited behavior. It is a learned behavior. It can be unlearned at any age.

Peer Pressure: Threatening to expose someone’s weakness or spread rumors. Telling malicious lies about an individual to poor groups.

Anger/Emotional Abuse: Putting her/him down. Making her/him feel bad about her or himself. Name calling. Making her/him think she/he’s crazy. Playing mind games. Humiliating one another. Making her/him feel guilty.

Using social Status: Treating her like a servant. Making all the decisions. Acting like the "master of the castle." Being the one to define men’s/women’s roles.

Intimidation: Making someone afraid by using looks, actions, gestures. Smashing things. Destroying property. Abusing pets. Displaying weapons.

Minimize/deny/blame: Making light of the abuse and not taking concerns about it seriously. Saying the abuse didn’t happen. Shifting responsibility for abusive behavior. Saying she/he caused it.

Threats: making and/or carrying out threats to do something to hurt another. Threatening to leave, to commit suicide, to report her/him to the police. Making her/him drop charges. Making her/him do illegal things.

Sexual coercion: Manipulating or making threats to get sex. Getting her pregnant. Threatening to take the child or children away. Getting someone drunk or drugged to get sex.

Isolation/Exclusion: Controlling what another does. Who she/he sees or talks to. What she/he reads. Where she/he goes. Limiting outside involvement. Using jealousy to justify actions.

DATING VIOLENCE: Signs of power and control through sexual, physical, verbal and emotional abuse include: Intimidation: Violating your privacy by going through your purse, locker, or book bag without permission. (This does include school officials.) Threats: Humiliation, Isolation, and Harassment.

Date safety and prevent abusive situations by using these tips:

-Let a friend or family member know where you are going, especially in the beginning of a new relationship.

-Memorize important phone numbers, keep a cell phone handy and carry enough money for other transportation to get home.

-Share your feelings and do not be afraid to say, "no." Be firm and straightforward in your relationships.

-Be aware of your decreased ability to react when using drugs or alcohol.

-Trust your instincts. If you feel uncomfortable, find a way to calmly remove yourself from the situation.

-If you are in a dangerous relationship:

-Get help immediately.

-Inform people at school (principal, teachers, security, etc.) in order to be safe.

-Always walk with a friend to school, classes or after school activities.

-Consider changing your cell phone number, route to school, and locker.

-Keep a record of the abuse by taking pictures of bruises or damaged property and keeping a journal.

-Call the police and report the abuse.

-Do not see your partner alone. Do not let your partner into your house or car. If you have to meet in person, meet in a public and with your own friend.

-Contact a local agency for support and more information.

Phone numbers to call for help:

1. 911 Emergency

2. Carroll County Adult Crisis Center: 330-627-5240

3. COMPASS: Domestic Violence/Abuse/Rape/Crisis - 1-888-356-4644

4. Domestic Violence Ohio Network: 1-800-934-9840

5. Domestic Violence National Network: 1-899-799-SAFE (1-899-799-7233)

6. Rapid Response Team For Child Abuse: 1-614-644-7272

7. Child Abuse Hotline (Carroll County) - 330-627-5437

Web sites for help: www.odvn.org

Prevent Child Abuse - www.pcao.org

New National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline: www.ohiodvresources.org

ISSUES FOR DOMESTIC VIOLENCE VICTIMS/SURVIVORS: (From Journey Beyond Abuse, Amherst Wilder Foundation, 1997).

Trauma, Fear, Terror, Shame, Minimization, Fear of Loneliness, Confusion, Isolation, Depression, Sadness, Post-Traumatic Stress Syndrome, Anger, Rage, Grief and Loss.